just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
