She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
