like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
