so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
