No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
