Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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