They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
