i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
