One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
