I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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