lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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