ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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