a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
