Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
