Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
