Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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