Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
