Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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