she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
