Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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