I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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