i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
