all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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