I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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