She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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