He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
