I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
