Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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