I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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