I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
