my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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