There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need water and some morals
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
