I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
