I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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