Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
