dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
