I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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