white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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