watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
