Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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