you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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