this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
