he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
