Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
