i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
