I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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