my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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