if you like me you must not know who I am
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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