How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
