She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
