did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
