First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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